So the last few years I’ve been incredibly open to and immersed in coaching, energy healing, my radio show and any/all things related to metaphysics/spirituality and personal growth. I’ve always been interested in these subjects and studied them over the years, but in 2013 I really committed myself to them – AFTER I manifested a romantic relationship in fall 2012 that went Jerry Springer-style sour, and I completely blocked myself off from love. “Manifested?” Yes. I manifested that. We manifest everything in our lives. The good, the bad, the ugly… and yet it’s ultimately all good.
Let me back up a little. About two weeks ago I attended a conference in Sunrise, Florida that was filled with amazing, accomplished entrepreneurs – people whose purpose in life is to make a lasting, positive difference in the world and who have a lot of powerful influence. One of the first exercises we did was answer the question “Where are you REALLY from?” and share it with a partner. Answers like “Los Angeles” or “the U.S.” were only surface-deep; we were asked to go beyond that. I first asked myself the question and was amazed at the answer that came through. Where was I from? I’m from “love.” My rational brain tried to come up with a different answer, but then I knew I needed to leave it as-is. That answer came to me for a reason; and it felt true. Interesting, but it felt good to own this.
The next day was the first full day of the conference, and I realized I needed to take a look at what limiting beliefs I may be holding on to that I didn’t even realize I had. I mean, for the most part, I’m really enjoying my life and excited about what’s to come these days – but there are also some areas where I’ve been frustrated and wished things were moving a little – no, scratch that – a LOT quicker. I didn’t think I really had any limiting beliefs (not any big ones, anyway), but if I was going to be honest with myself, I knew I wasn’t 100% satisfied with where I was, either; that meant something was probably off somewhere – I just didn’t know where. So I opened myself up to see what limiting beliefs might come through. The more I sat with this intention, I was shocked at the ridiculous thoughts that were coming up for me while I was at this AMAZING, inspiring conference. Now brace yourself, because I’m going to share with you some of these VERY limiting beliefs:
1) I’m falling behind the curve from where everyone else is in life. <– Comparing myself to others. Dang it! I could’ve sworn I didn’t think this, but… okay…
2) I have an issue asking for help. <– I do? Hmm, thought I worked through that one already.
3) I’m nothing. <– WHAT THE…????? This thought literally popped in my head and I promise you, I emphatically denied it at first because there’s nothing about this that sounds like me. Yet – I couldn’t deny that I seemed to have feelings about this. I totally had an emotional trigger attached to this belief. I knew in that moment that denying I had any connection to it would only allow it to continue hovering in the background of all I do, so I had to own it so I could release it.
As I had a totally unexpected breakdown first in front of Connie, then later in front of everyone (oh my – but it was necessary), I was greeted with love – again. Connie was an angel for me in that moment as she only saw me through her loving eyes. She reminded me that we’re on different journeys, and she’s also older than me (not old, old-ER). She invited me to lunch, and by the end of the hour, I was so grateful I’d had the opportunity to meet her and have this experience. When I broke down in front of everyone later that night, several people came up to me with intentions of supporting me, while others let me know that my vulnerable breakdown was actually helpful for them in some way.
The conference ended and *real life* started back up again as we moved into Valentine’s Day week. I had a moment of feeling intense gratitude for some of the coaches and mentors in my life, so I publicly thanked them in a social media post and felt a rush of love sweep over me – it was a total rampage of appreciation. In that moment I knew all the recent events leading up to this had opened my heart back up. I was feeling love on a level that I hadn’t felt in a long time. That’s not to say I had completely forgotten what love felt like, but something had shifted in me that felt new and wonderful. Last night I could sense a part of me that was still resisting some of the love that wants to flow to me, so I set a new intention of allowing myself to receive the love that comes my way. Today, a coach friend of mine unexpectedly featured me in her weekly newsletter – and I had yet another opportunity to practice allowing love in.
So now how did I manifest the relationship that ended in ruins, that brought me to feeling like I MUST be in a soap opera, and just didn’t want anything to do with love again for a long while? Well, as much as I love love, I’ve always been incredibly passionate about living out my life purpose and doing what I can to make a positive difference in the world. When that relationship started AND ended, I was also really wanting to make bigger leaps towards my own life goals, and guess what – I know for certain I held the belief that being in a relationship would only slow me down more. I was ready to speed up; and the ending of that relationship catapulted me into my life purpose in a much bigger way than I had previously felt up to that point in my life. The disaster breakup served a purpose – and I can only be grateful for it. What we think might be setbacks only serve to support us, even when we can’t see it at the time.
Why am I sharing all this? Because “…in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make” (Beatles song lyrics). But it’s not only about giving your love to others; it’s about giving love to yourself. You and your intentions are so powerful, that sometimes life throws us curveballs that feel like we’re getting off course, when really it’s all just to steer us exactly in the right direction.
The more you lovingly open yourself to something new – whether it be the space of releasing limiting beliefs so new empowering beliefs can enter in, or choosing to venture back into a space where pain once lived and you were closed off – a whole new world is right there waiting for you, when you’re ready for it. ♥